If Only I Could Remember
by SibylVanestiel
Summary: Prompt: Dean has a one night stand with female Castiel, pre-pilot episode.


**prompt: was thinking that dean and cas met in the space time when he lost his father and when he met up with Sam at college. Cas snuck down from heaven because idk…dean was special. So he and dean had a fling but cas came dangerously close to being caught and went back to heaven erasing deans memory. (and is responsible for their long eye sex-capades**

My ficlet: Fem!Cas, Angsty, Pre-pilot espisode fling with Cas, Fluffy/Light on Smut

Dean was tired of waiting. He was tired of trying the same number again and again; leaving the same voicemail message that would never be returned. He didn't have a lot of choices.

Sammy was his only chance to make it right, but he lived on the other side of the country now, and there was a good chance he wouldn't be so pleased to see his big brother. He had walked out, after all; he had left his family as if they were nothing at all. He had left Dean to be the hunter, to live the life he couldn't. It wasn't all unicorns and rainbows, but it was an important life, it was a hero's life. And as much as Dean hated to admit it- he needed help, so he fired up the engine, pointed his journey west and just kept going.

His second straight night on the road finally wore him down and he stopped to get a little sleep. Luckily he was stocked up on quarters and the first motel off the interstate advertised magic fingers. There was a local dive just across the street he could stop in and grab a burger and a beer before turning in. Dean made a few quick strides across the lot to the bar and found himself a stool. There were a few dudes playing pool and a shady looking couple getting a little handsy in the booth behind him. His Bud and his burger came in record time and were both surprisingly fresh.

Blurry from exhaustion he fumbled with his wallet and threw down the right bills as pushed the basket of fries away. He was ragged from worry, and now tense about the upcoming encounter with Sam. Any other night he might have tried to hustle a little pool from the guys at the back, but he couldn't shake himself from the funk he was under.

He reached the parking lot, room key in his grasp, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Moving quickly to point his pistol at the unknown intrusion into his personal space he drew his gun and turned around.

It was just a girl. Well, a woman, Dean corrected himself.

She didn't flinch at the sight of the weapon, she didn't move her hand, or react in any way. Dean lowered the gun to his side, still wary of any girl who didn't have a natural fear of death. She titled her head slightly to the side as her eyebrow raised ever so slightly and her mouth covered the hint of a smirk.

"Can I help you?" The hunter's manners not his first concern as his tone grew sharp.

"You are Dean Winchester." It wasn't a question.

"What are you?" Dean's handgun flew up again, aiming carefully.

"I am an angel of the lord. I have come for you, Dean." She had a husky, kind of sexy voice Dean noticed.

"No such thing. Now, what are you?" His temper was getting the best of him, interrogating a woman at gun point in a parking lot at anytime of day was a bad idea.

"I am what I say."

Before Dean could react he felt the warm touch of the woman's fleshy finger touching his forehead. Images spilled into him, weakening his knees and causing his breath to catch in his throat.

The flashes came quickly: His mother, pregnant belly a gentle hand massaging it as she placed the angel figurine on the shelf above the crib. Her loving hands putting a piece of pie in front of him, smile on her lips; her arms curved around the little buddle of Sam. Sammy's little face peeking out of a blanket in his arms. Playing with his little green army men in the backseat of the car. Sammy's first day of school. Dean packing his lunch and walking him to class. The day he lost his virginity. His first real hunt. The first time he got to drive the impala. His father's face the day Sam told them he was leaving. His whole life- all at once.

The overwhelming weight pushed him to his knees. He found himself looking at the carpet of his motel room through his fingers. Key on the floor beside him. Bed behind him.

Then he noticed the other set of feet. Black boots peeking out from a dark blue pair of jeans covered lean long legs, leading to belted hips and a small waist. The white blouse was covered with a cropped tan belted jacket that hung open, and a blue silk scarf tried around a pale white neck. Dark locks of wavy hair framed the delicate features of her face, full pink lips, and big bright eyes completed the picture.

"Try any test you wish, but I am what I say. You just need to have faith."

Over the next half an hour he did test her, saying nothing- just pouring salt, cutting with silver, drinking holy water, pressing iron into her flesh, looking at her teeth, and any other test he could think of. There was nothing he could see that made her story untrue, but then again, what did he know about angels?

"So, let's pretend you are what you say you are. What do you want?"

"You, Dean, just you. One day this will all become clear, but for now, this is all you need to know."

She stepped into him, pressing her lips to his. They were soft and she tasted like freshness, pine, air, and spices. Dean responded without thinking, giving into the angel's kiss.

There was no reason he shouldn't do this, he tried to convince himself as she began to remove his jacket. Slowly she undressed him while keeping her lips on his. Soon her hands met his chest, running her fingers over the grooves and dips of his muscles.

"Wait," he whispered into her waiting lips, "is this such a good idea? I mean…I don't even know your name. Who _are_ you?" His brain was full of questions, but the straining bulge in his jeans was screaming at him to shut up.

"My name is Castiel; I am _your_ angel. Trust me. Use me. Make me your own."

He didn't need to hear more, he couldn't have contained himself any longer no matter what the answer had been, but this reply sent him to a place he couldn't comprehend.

Hands were everywhere at once, searching for something unknown. Both hungry for the other's touch; buttons flew off and naked flesh burned. The angel pressed her body into his, caressing his nipples with her own; reaching between them to take his cock in her hand. Already hard Dean gasped at her boldness.

He had experienced his fair share of one night stands, but this girl- this angel- was something else. She hummed with a power he couldn't understand. Her eyes seemed to reflect the light in such a way he could always see himself staring back and yet remained the most beautiful colour he had ever seen but could not describe. She tasted like everything pure in the world. She didn't speak much, but once she had him aroused she gave herself over to him with unconditional trust.

Dean manoeuvred her to the bed easily, kissing his way down her body, caressing her shoulders as his hands lingered above. Castiel spread her waiting form beneath him, knowing they would finally be one. The hunter wanted to worship her body extensively, but his own desire was too strong to wait any longer.

"I think I have something in my bag." He said, sliding away from her to lean over the bed and search the duffel for some protection.

The angel followed his movements, puzzled look on her face. When he produced the little packet of tiny foil she just shifted her eyes.

"No, Dean. I want to feel you, nothing bad can some of this."

Reaching out to lower his hand and return his face to her own she captured his lips in hers as he dropped the package to the floor.

There was no more time for thoughts, he was solely made up of actions and emotion as he pushed into Castiel for the first time.

"Cas," he moaned in her mouth.

"Dean," she responded breathlessly.

As he moved over her he understood how much he needed to be touching more flesh to his own. Bringing her up to sit in front of him they rocked in sync as he held her close; face buried in her neck. The angel's immense strength fought to take control just under the surface as it tried to master the nuances of this new form. Digging her fingers into his back, pulling him into her as much as she could; no amount of skin to skin contact could satisfy them as they devoured each other. Tongues, and teeth, and lips twined together with a painful pleasure as they quickened pace.

"Dean! Shut your eyes!" The angel shouted, gripping him so tightly, pulling his body into hers.

Clenching his face and closing his eyes Dean leaned into her neck and bit into her shoulder as a wash of blinding light pierced the darkness of his lids. Sucking that sweet soft spot of her neck as she bucked into him and he came with her, unable to hold himself back. He had no time to contemplate what had just happened in the darkness.

"I didn't think angels would be so…"

"I thought you didn't believe in angels." She said, a hint of a question in the air.

"Either that or I just had sex with a monster." He started to move away from Cas, setting himself to rights, questioning his actions.

"Angels are not a thing of fairy tales, they are soldiers, warriors of God. Much like you are," Castiel pulled him back to the bed, looking into his green eyes with an intensity Dean couldn't face.

Turning his eyes down, he just shook his head. For all his posturing, he could see now, understand completely, that he was not good enough to find his father, to keep the family together, to find the thing that took his mother from him, he was just a high school drop out with nothing to his name.

"You are strong enough, Dean, you are _more_ than you know. One day you will save the world. Until then you have just have to carry on, and when you are ready you will remember this. One day when you are able to be _mine_, this will come back to you." The angel said as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

Dean woke up feeling more refreshed than he had thought possible. He had to get back on the road and get to Sammy as soon as possible. Stepping into the shower the hot water trickled down his back, searing into a fresh set of marks. Looking at them in the mirror he couldn't figure out where he had gotten the long tracks of scratches. Come to think of it- he couldn't remember anything after he left the bar. This would have been something to get him on edge, to make him itchy for a fight, but this time he just let it be. No matter the reason for any of his lost time, and his strange injuries, he was in a really good mood. Sammy was 2 days away and he couldn't wait to see that kid.

Dean grabbed a coffee and a donut and was on the road again within thirty minutes.

The barn shook, lightning crashed, the doors swung open, and the man appeared, striding across the dusty floor. Dean shoved the knife into him, and he just pulled it out; this was no demon.

"I am an angel of the lord." It said.

"You have no faith." It said.

Dean had heard all of this before, only he couldn't remember. He had lived so much since then; so much had changed in him; had made him hard and beaten down. Maybe one day, like the angel said, he would understand. This was not that day.


End file.
